New Beginning

Jimmy and I, as well as several friends and family, have started thinking that along with health problems STRESS may be a factor with the baby process.  I have also been struggling with the issue that maybe God is waiting to give us a baby until he knows that we are where we need to be in our everyday life and that includes work.  As many of you know I was a retail Manager at Stein Mart.  I loved my job, I started when I was a freshman in college (2002) and worked until the summer before I got married (2007).  When I moved to Murfreesboro after our wedding I started looking for jobs and what did I come across?...a posting for the new Stein Mart store they were opening in Murfreesboro.  I had my doubts about going back but nothing else was really coming though so I applied and was called back within a couple of days.  I went for the interview with the Store Manager (Joy) and we really kicked it off, she didn't offer me the job on the spot but I felt really good about the interview. Sure enough she called within a day or two and offered me the job and I was starting what I call some of the best days of my life.  I have met so many people that I'm proud to call "best" friends. 

So much has happend in that past four years that it would take me about a day to write it all down.  In the end I was under alot of stress, working long days for corporate leaders who may or may not show up, working nights and weekends and so on.  Although I loved the people I worked with and generally loved my job it got to be way too much and I was looking for a way out.  I started searching for jobs online and nothing was popping out at me, one day I casually mentioned to Tiffany that I wish her parents would hire me.  Her parents, Joe and Debbie Sheetz are some of the sweetest people I know and I just knew they would be awesome bosses!  They own Two stores in Historic Bell Buckle, www.bellbuckle.com, Designz by You/Coffeez by Us, www.designzbyyou.com, and the newest store Designz from the Heart.  Tiffany called her Mom and mentioned to her about hiring me to help her and to help out with the new store and her Mom loved the idea but wasn't sure she could hire me just yet.  So I went on with Stein Mart and one day Tiffany called me at work, this is not something she usually does unless she has to tell me something, her Mom had decided to hire me! I was so excited I could hardly stand it! Of course I had to talk it over with Jimmy and get back  to her.  So I went home to talk it over, he was little leary at first after all I would be taking a slight pay cut but he said that seeing me happy again would be worth it, the icing on the cake was my boss calling me that afternoon and telling me I had to work open to close for the next 9 days cause we were having a lovely visitor from our Regional Director.  Needles to say we were both "OVER IT." 

I felt that there was something or someone behind this, it didn't quite work out the way I had hoped the first go around but the offer came back to me.  I work 9:45 to 5 Monday-Thursday and 9:45-7 on Fridays, and I only work one weekend a month and special events, that means NO late nights and almost NO weekends! I get to enjoy my family and friends again and that is something that I haven't been able to do in a long time.

I may be going out on a limb here but I feel like God opened this new opportunity for me.

So Friday September 17th was my last day at Stein Mart and Monday September 20th was my first day in my "New Beginning."  I am working in the new store Designz from the Heart, its been great so far.  I will get to meet so many people since this town is a huge tourist attraction.  I have wonderful bosses, Im not responsible for anyone but myself and I get to interact with all my visitors (customers), I couldn't ask for a better job!

God is in Control

If you are anything like me you at times "forget" that God is in control, that he has a plan, and that although he knows the desires of our heart he is still working on his time not ours.  One of the biggest obstacles that I have faced though our battle with infertility is remembering just that as well as the battle of handing everything over to him.  I pray and cry out to God on a daily basis but yet I still feel like I'm holding on to my troubles instead of trusting him. 

God is working in my life, my husbands life and our marriage.  He continues to show me that he is there and that indeed he has a plan for our life.  I have two stories to share with you that proves he is in control of every aspect of our lives from death, sickness, marriage conflict, infertility to placing people in our paths to be there for us and to be a prayer warrior for us.

I received a call from a friend this week that left me feeling helpless.  She had left town to go see her mother who was in the hospital having tests run, soon after she had gotten there her mothers test results were back...she had progressive cancer in her kidney and needed surgery to remove the tumor, without the surgery the doctors were giving her a year to live.  I was basically speechless...what do you say to someone who has just heard this news?  By the time I got off the phone with her I felt like a complete idiot and a awful friend because I didn't have any encouraging words for her.  I thought about this friend and her mother all day and prayed that God would give them peace.  After I got home that night and was getting in the bed my phone starting blowing up with texts, I thought who in the world is texting me back to back?  Turns out it was a text from this very friend telling me a story that sent chills though my entire body..."she was on the plane heading to see her mom when she started talking to a young lady that was sitting next to her, the conversation somehow ended up on the subject of God and how he was helping her through some tough times in her life.  In the terminal as they were walking their separate ways the young lady she was talking too asked my friend if she could pray for her? my friend of course said sure and they went on their way."  God knew that my friend would need prayers and knew that she would need every prayer warrior she could get.  You see he knew what her mothers test results were going to be and he put that young lady in my friends path...GOD is in Control!

This week I had another friend that had been in my mind and heart for several weeks now and I knew deep down that things in her life weren't going well.  I have been so caught up in the things in my life that weren't going great that I kept putting off contacting her, I sent her an email on Friday night asking about her and how things were going and when she emailed me back I was floored at what all she had been though.  Her marriage was falling apart and she was at conflict as to whether she should leave or work it out.  She went to her parents for advice, one said leave, one said go back and work it out with her husband and God.  She prayed and cried for a few days and in the end she said that God spoke to her and told her that he wasn't done with her marriage and that she needed to go back and work it out.  She told me that couldn't even imagine living with her husband and dealing with all the hurt that had been caused but she couldn't shut out the tugging God was doing in her heart.  Once again God is showing us that he is in control of everything and if he isn't done with his plan for you he will show you.

We all have to learn to trust God and trust that he knows what we can handle and what we cant handle, he will not put us in any situation that thinks we cant handle.  When I have been at my deepest point there has always been someone or something that has shown me that God is in control and I believe with all my heart that these two friends and their very different situations were brought to me because God wanted to show me that he is there and that he will always be there.

Life is all about Curve balls...

Well the past few days have been pretty hard on me...we found out that we weren't pregnant once again on Friday morning...blah.  I took it extra hard this month, I just knew that things were different and I could have sworn that my body was changing. I guess I shouldn't have had my hopes up so high cause man I fell low! 

I closed at work on Friday so I was home that morning and had a HUGE meltdown...of course I texted Terri and Tiffany as soon as I "found" out the awful news and as always they were so supportive and positive and tried to lift me up but even that didn't help this time.  In the middle of my meltdown I received a Facebook notification that I had a message, I went to read it and I can tell you now that God was in COMPLETE control of that message.  It was from Terri's sister in law Stephanie and she gave me some very encouraging and positive words, I cried through the whole thing but smiled at the end because I just knew that God was behind it.  It seems that every month that I'm thrown a curve ball someone different steps up and tells me their story and it gives me more Hope then they will ever know.  I hope I can be that "someone" someday.

In other news...on Saturday morning I woke up to not only the worse cramps I have had since before my surgery but I also had a HUGE rash growing all over my body! Jimmy and I both freaked out and we went to the walk in clinic.  I basically stunned the doctor...the rash was pretty ugly but it didn't itch nor was it painful...so she really didn't know how to treat it.  She called me in a steroid and sent me on my way.  I'm chalking it up to stress...it got worse before it got better and its not completely gone but at least it doesn't itch and isn't painful.

I have a few more exciting announcements but I cant let the cat out of the bag just yet so I will leave you with your wondering minds!

I hope everyone has a Happy and Safe Labor Day! I will be working...of course...

3rd base...

June 15 came quick...my mom was coming to stay with me for the week I needed off to recover so Jimmy wouldnt have to take time he didnt have off from work.  Jimmy, my mom and I were on the road at 5:45 for the Hospital where I had to be there by 7 for my surgery at 9:30.  Again I felt the HUGE love and support from friends and family, my phone started going off at 6 that morning.  I handed over my phone to my mom so she could answer the over flowing amount of text.  I went back about 8:30, kissed mom and Jimmy and the rest is a blur...all the sudden Im waking up and the nurse is telling me everything went great, I wouldnt know what that meant for another hour when I saw Jimmy...

I kept asking where my husband was and the nurse kept telling me that when I went to recovery he could see me, im sure she thought I was crazy cause I just kept asking her...finally I was in recovery and she went to get him! He came back with a smile and said "have you talked to Dr. Elben, have they told you"? I just looked at him and said "NO, they havent told me anything"!  He then tells me that they removed the cysts, lasered the Endometriosis (I had stage 3 out of 4) away and most importantly my tubes were CLEAR!  Apparently between the Endometriosis and the cysts they were the reason my tubes appeared to be blocked.  We were so excited! Of course it didnt really hit me till the next day...

They only let one person back at a time so Jimmy left, Mom came and left, Dad came and left, Vic came and left and then Jimmy came back and stayed till they released me.  That day at the hospital is still such a blur, it happen so fast it just blows my mind!  We came home and I went to bed, of course they woke me up to eat and take my meds and Dad and Julie came to visit.  While I was asleep flowers were delivered from my BEST friend Terri, her husband Michael and precious daughter Briley.  I also recieved flowers from Vic and my Dad and Julie. 

The next few days I spent on the couch with Millie (she wouldnt leave my side) while Mom spolied us!  I also answered lots of texts and emails. The week flew by and before I knew it Mom was leaving and I was headed back to work.

Jimmy and I went for the Post-Op on June 28, we really didnt know what to expect, I knew she would want to look at my scars and I thought maybe she would talk about the next step but again we were walking into the unknown...when we saw Dr. Elben she was still SO excited about the success of the surgery.  However, she is a DR and starts talking numbers and deadlines...she put me on Clomid for 3 months in HOPES that I get pregnant FAST.  She wants me pregnant and to have the baby before the Endometriosis comes back (which is anywhere within a year or 2) so she has us on a fast plan...if im not pregnant within the 3 months she allowed she wants us to talk IUI...


 An IUI -- intrauterine insemination -- is performed by threading a very thin flexible catheter through the cervix and injecting washed sperm directly into the uterus. The whole process doesn't take very long — it usually only requires the insertion of a speculum and then the catheter, a process that maybe takes a couple of minutes (60-90 seconds to introduce the catheter, then sperm injection, and another 60 seconds or so to remove the catheter — going slowly helps reduce discomfort). Sometimes when the cervix is hard to reach a tenaculum is used to hold the cervix, which makes the process a bit more uncomfortable.

This would be done in a regular office visit by one of the nurses, Dr. Elben laughed saying that they were better at it then she was! 

This brings us to the present stop...I just took round 2 of Clomid and im set to start/not start my cycle at the first of the month...

2nd base...

My first appointment at Nashville Fertility was on April 5th, Jimmy and I were literally walking into the unknown.  I had done some research about reasons my tubes were blocked, I had talked to several people that had been through fertility treatments but I don't think it ever prepares you for what you are about to face.  I was comfortable with going to Nashville Fertility, we have some very dear  friends that had been treated there and now have precious twin boys, however I had no idea that the first meeting with my new DR would be so intense.

Dr. Eblen is Board Certified in Obstetric and Gynecology and subspecialty certified in Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility.  When we met with her she already had my file and test results from my OB and was very familiar with our situation and that really impressed me.  She first introduced herself and explained what she and Nashville Fertility specialized in, which is basically all types of INFERTILITY but with my tubes being blocked she kept mentioning IVF...


What is IVF? IVF is a process where fertilization takes place outside the body, in a petri dish or a test tube. A woman's eggs are aspirated from her ovaries and placed with sperm. After culture of the embryos for three to five days, the embryos are placed in the woman's uterus. The IVF cycle includes administration of medicines for stimulation of the ovaries (ovarian hyperstimulation), egg retrieval, fertilization and embryo culture, and embryo transfer.
 
This really frustrated Jimmy and me at first cause it just seemed like she wanted to push this instead of trying other options but we sat through it and tried to be patient.  After she talked about this for about 30 minutes she decided she was to do an vaginal ultrasound on me to see what she could find...my consultation now has turned into a very personal situation...so we go for the ultrasound.  She gets the results back is stunned by what she saw...I had several cysts on both of my ovaries and had some black spots around my tubes and ovaries that appeared to be ...Endometriosis excuse me?  I have Endometriosis and I had no idea???  Isn't that suppose to be painful?  Well turns out, she sees women everyday that have it and have had zero symptoms.  WOW...mouth dropping again...SO she explains to me that when women are between the Ovulation phase and their cycle that they tend to have more cysts on their ovaries that disappear after their cycle, so she wants to see me at the end of my next cycle which happen to be the next week.  I went back this time with Tiffany for a second ultrasound and she was right almost all of the cysts disappeared but there was still  visible cysts on each ovary and still those dreaded black spots around the tubes and ovaries...we talked after the ultrasound and decided to schedule a Laparoscopic Surgery.
 
Laparoscopic surgery, also called minimally invasive surgery (MIS), bandaid surgery, keyhole surgery is a modern surgical technique in which operations in the abdomen are performed through small incisions (usually 0.5–1.5 cm) as compared to larger incisions needed in traditional surgical procedures.
 
This surgery would allow Dr. Elben to get a closer look inside and determine that actual damage, she would also remove the cysts and laser the Endometriosis if need be.  This would also allow her to "clean" out whatever was blocking my tubes.  Needless to say I was NERVOUS at this point and wanted it to happen ASAP! The surgery is to be scheduled on the 8th or 9th day of your cycle...well in May that landed on Wednesday of the week we were leaving for the beach so we scheduled it for June 15th...I would now have to wait OVER a month to get more answers...

Whew that was a STRESSFUL 2 months...

1st Base...

I told Jimmy and myself that if I wasn't pregnant by January of this year that I would make an appointment to go and talk to my OB.  So in March my best friend Tiffany and I went to a meeting with my OB, going into this meeting I was nervous for some reason but really just thought she would write me a prescription for something along the lines of Clomid (a hormone that makes women produce more eggs) and I would be on my way...WRONG! She wouldn't give me any medicine instead she wanted to talk tests...YIKES...tests for me and tests for Jimmy...I was so not prepared for this but I said OK and went on my way being as positive as I could be.  They like to test the male first since it is generally easier and less expensive so within 2 weeks of the first meeting with the DR we had Jimmy tested and had his results back...he was GOOD! The next step was a test called HSG that involved me...On  March 24th Tiffany took me to the hospital for a test that would last 45 mins, was pain from Hell and would in the end change my life.  Here is an insert from WebMD about the HSG test...


A hysterosalpingogram (HSG) is an X-ray test that looks at the inside of the uterus and fallopian tubes and the area around them. It often is done for women who are having a hard time becoming pregnant (infertile).

During a hysterosalpingogram, a dye (contrast material) is put through a thin tube that is put through the vagina and into the uterus. Because the uterus and the fallopian tubes are hooked together, the dye will flow into the fallopian tubes. Pictures are taken using a steady beam of X-ray (fluoroscopy) as the dye passes through the uterus and fallopian tubes. The pictures can show problems such as an injury or abnormal structure of the uterus or fallopian tubes, or a blockage that would prevent an egg moving through a fallopian tube to the uterus. A blockage also could prevent sperm from moving into a fallopian tube and joining (fertilizing) an egg. A hysterosalpingogram also may find problems on the inside of the uterus that prevent a fertilized egg from attaching (implanting) to the uterine wall.


Intense huh?...


I got the results back the next week...the right tube was completely blocked and the left tube had some scar damage...scar damage from what?  This question would not be answered till months later.  The nurse then said the words, "we cant do anything else in our office as we are not experienced with INFERTILITY and we have referred you to Nashville Fertility, our office manager will call and make the appointment and she will get back to you".  This was all done over the phone (thank God as my mouth had dropped to the floor) and while I was at work, I had to call Jimmy and tell him as well as tell every person that knew I was on the phone with the nurse moments before, so I pulled my mouth up and put on my positive face and started trying to answer questions about a subject that I had no clue about...

First Inning...

I'm using this blog for two reasons, as therapy for me and to tell the world our story.  I'm an open book as long as people ask me questions but I have a real problem just telling my story.  Jimmy and I have been trying to get pregnant for a year and eight months now, I have been off birth control for almost 3 years.  We have had an interesting and informative last 8 months...I never knew what could happen in a woman's body nor did I know what options couples with infertility have available to them.  I'm going to separate the next few blogs by what I like to call "our journey to pregnancy".

One of the hardest words for people to talk about is "INFERTILITY".  I hope you will read this without feeling "sorry" for us, that is so not my intention I want everyone to know what we have been through and continue to go through because I want your prayers and support, we feel every prayer we receive and it gives us so much HOPE and strength.